she's so mean!!

this is not talking about someone behide her.
that's is talking about the truth of this person.

my sis loves to ues my pc without asking me.
it's alrite.i'm not da kinda cheap person.

you wanna occupy my pc?
okay...use it as u like.
you wanna me to use my bro's pc?
okay..it's accetpable.
you have tons of things needed to do with pc?
okay.if they're nessecery.

but you use my pc for doing those unimportant things.
such as chatted with your friend and
surfing on the net just for fun.
okay...it's okay.
but I am the owner of this pc and I have rights to use it
whenever i need it!
stop occupying it for all day long.

idiot..you kno that i got my work to do?
i'm not like you who only has to enjoy your life.

we're following the program of US OPEN lately.
she wants to watch whole the matches and i understand.
but..when i come home and need my pc..
she asked me to get away and use others' pc?
is it rite?
she wanna watch it by my pc coz it's faster and high-qual.
okay...

the most worst thing is...
she know that the program which she's using to watch web TV
carries with computer virus.
she knew it and she still wanna use it
coz she can't miss any matches.
she didn't tell me that the program is of virus
till yesterday i found out by myself.
i left a quick-note to her telling her not to use
that program anymore
and i'd fix it when i was back from skol.
coz my computer has infected computer virus
since she used the program.

i wasn't mad at the very begining.
i sometimes have to restall the whole pc.
but what she acted made me sick.

she's intended and thinks it's okay
coz she doesn't have to worry about
the annoying details for
saving the very important data of computer.
which are dissertation,GRE's stuff and all pics.

so she just fled from my place and went to her friends' place
before i came home last nite.
why not just show a lil bit that she's sorry
then i'd properly not so mad at her.

and you kno what?
she won't admit it and will pretend she's innocent.
my mom said she properly will stay for 3-4 days.
das very FINE!

DON'T COME BACK!
OR I'LL SLAP YOU FOR 100000000000 TIMES!

Tuesday...

after a very tired and non-stop week.
thanx god!
prof. didn't send anymore comments to me.
so i think it means it's okay in this stage.

On the other hand,
I think it's about time to deal with the real issues
i'm dying to slove.

the schedule has to be followed.
the list should be finished.

what a endless project !?

very very very very very very exgausted and hopeless.
i've been doing the bloody PROJECT for three days
without stepped out my place
and sticked with my computer for 52 hours or more.

I even told my sis go to the japanese class for me on friday
coz i couldn't go and i had to attend the class at the same time.
she brought the homework for me and i finished it in a quick pace
then i can returned it back in the same day.
then the teacher wouldn't know that i wasn't there.

i didn't go to cram skol and skipped many courses
only to made all my time available to do this damn project.
tho i can come to cram skol tomolo or tuesday and
get those missed course back by watching video.
but i really really dun like that my OWN schedule and stuff
was messed up with this stupid project.
and the horrible Prof. as well.

our goal is 300M NTD and my part has to reach 100M-150M.
yesterday i finally finished the part of japaese books
and the price is 105M NTD.
so i was lil released from the stress.
coz then i can just focus on korean ones.
but u think it's over?

NO!
the Prof. told me that
I have to finish the part of Korean and reach another 100M TODAY!!!!!!!
the one more unbelievable request is
he asked me again to add more books to the result of japanese part.
sent me more than 300 items to add.
(why just didn't send it on the very first day i began?)
and u think it's really over?

NO!!!
damn it.
he sent me a list check by the NTU librarian
and told me to delete those items we have in NTU.
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
then why i have to add so many books on the form?
you'll ask me to delete them anyway.

and i'm still working on the part of Korean..
how can i finish all these TODAY?
for christ sake..
those Prof. are really mean enough and unthoughtful at all.
they told you that u're great enough so they want you.

but the truth is they want to use you to work for them
and



IT'S FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NTU course 2006

these are possible courses i'll take
tho i only need one.

GENEALOGIES OF MUSICAL KNOWLEDGE：READINGS IN MUSIC AESTHETICS
音樂的知識系譜與美學探討
HISTORY OF EUROPEAN MUSICAL CULTURE(I)
歐洲音樂文化史一
MOZART'S OPERAS AND THE ENLIGHTENMENT
莫札特歌劇與啟蒙

should i choose the prof. will me straight A
who's from Chicago Uni.
or the new prof. from Harvard Uni.?
i've got lots toughness and bad scores
in the class of a prof.from Colunbia Uni.
should I take risks again to take the evy system?
but i do love the class about Mozart!

damn......
and should i suspend this term and finish the dissertation first
or keep the chance till next semester i'll have GRE test?
and how can i kno the prof. made me straight A will open
a course again in next semester?

hard.....and ambiguous..>"<

nothing more!!

okay..let's get it straight!

forget about the man i'm interested in.
stop worrying about the situation between us.
stop being afraid of the secret between me and his friend.
stop thinking about the chaos in my mind.
forget the feelings in my heart.

it will be gone after long-term working.

list a list of things need to finish.
make all course fit and make a clear timetable of everything.
concentrate on the project i'm doing.
focus on my students i'm teaching.
study more GRE and database of disseration.
make myself cozy and calm.

the deadline of the project is on 8/31.
the GRE approximate test will begin on 8/26.
the meeting wid agalina next week.
the movie wid Dre between 9/2-9/6.
the clubbing wid nina between 9/3-9/10.
the japaese test is on 9/8.
the proposal has to be checked in the mid-sep.
and the skol begins on 9/18.

chilled..sober..and focus!!!!

Here we go!

This is the shcedule of Mr.Dre who says
that it's immoral to post his real name on my blog.

every Mon/Wed/Thr/Fri/Sun from 9am-1030pm.
Dre can't!!!!!

do u guys know what means "can't"???
yes...he can't get a hardon in these time.
and he can't have sex in these time.
hahahaha..Dre.....感謝你今晚陪我耍瞎啦!!!

really thanx for the time u chatted with me tonite
and those dirty words u made me laugh so much.

安眠藥的功效還真是強到不行耶,搞什麼兩個人都這麼high...
Dre下次姐姐會更"好好"的摧殘你的...哇哈哈哈!!!

seriouly,Dre. is going to work and
can't meet friedns on those days.
dun take my words too seriously,u all kno he can!!!!!
tho he didn't get out of his closet yet. :P

okay..then bye Dre baby...good nite and have a nice dream.
dun jerk off too much tho.
save it till next time we're going to the movies!!!!
I'll take you to the porn theaters where you always wanna go
and ask you to practice it for ten times rite away.
(of course i won't yell Liao Jxx HXX loudly la :P)

really thanx thanx and thanx for your phonecall tonite.
here i am and alive ^_____^!

心情不佳!

完了!
好好的聰明蛋又變成白癡了!

告白?
das not a good idea!

假裝開心?
媽的本大小姐我辦不到!

四處問人?
我看問天問地問菩薩還是自己解決比較好!

傷心?
又不是沒有傷心過,他媽的妳給我好好振作起來!

放棄?
看我怎樣使出三十六計,
天蠍座的老早交手過不知道幾次了!
我會逼你跟我說你想跟我在一起的!

煩死了,要工作卻心情不好,
早早睡覺去!

Now That He's Gone.

Baby You Know I Miss You So
I Didn't Know You Had To Go
You've Had Enough Of Our Distance Baby
Before I Had The Chance To Say
I'm Staying With You
For The Rest Of My Life

Don't Keep Telling Me These Words
You Don't Know How Much It Hurts
And I'll Promise You Eternity
If You Promise Me You'll Stay
But Now It's Too Late
I'm No Longer The Girl That I Was

I'll Go On Without Him
Like A Fool Who's Too Sure
I'm Like A Bird Who's Lost Her Wing
A Fire Without Its Flame

I Don't Know How To Be Strong
When My Love Has To Move On
I Am A Song Without A Soul
Now That He's Gone
What's Left Of Us Is This Song

This Is Our Song Without A Soul
Now That You're Gone
What's Left Of Us In This Song

酸酸的。

說了不要在線上等人了...
說了不想在期待些什麼....
說了不可以在繼續這樣放縱自己的想法.....

結果...連續三晚跟你的聊天...破了功....

是我真的想太多?
是我真的以為你的當時的好意是出自你有點喜歡我?
真的只是朋友?
還是你的哀兵策略?

寄給我那些照片...那些信...
講你忘不了她...講你們之間的過去...
問我你要繼續還是放棄....
問我要怎麼做...問我怎麼想...
叫我介紹我最要好的朋友給你.....
要我帶她們飛過去....

說你感謝我...因為我願意熬夜傾聽...
說你抱歉..因為你得離開....
說你愛我...as a friend.....

聊每天的工作...聊每天的生活......
聊工作環境對你有意思的女生...聊你要怎麼接近她們....
聊哪個女生今天又對你微笑...
聊你為了她遵守一個兒戲般的諾言...

那..
你要我說什麼?

你聽不懂...
great great great...
good for you...
lucky you.....
have a nice date......
try to find another one....
dun be so sad..u still have me..
why always has to be the japanese?how about taiwanese?

你聽不懂...
我說我又重新開始了三份工作的生活...為了要趕快再出國一次...
是為了想再見你..是為了要買機票...

你聽不懂...
我說我每天都上線很久很久...是因為我工作必須要開著電腦...
還是因為怕錯過你...

你聽不懂...
你說你不會再交那邊的女孩...
而我說..我喜歡你們那邊的男孩...

你說她厭倦了每個月要花那麼多的電話錢...
我卻說要是我有像你這樣的男友...
我會更努力賺錢去付電話費....

你聽不懂我話中的微慍...
你聽不懂我話中的心酸....
你感覺不到每次你說再見我叫你滾...
因為我怕我下一句會想留住你..
你感覺不到每次你逗我似的跟我一句一句再見說了20遍...
我也跟著你一次又一次的胡鬧....

你說你痛恨沒有電腦的日子...你說我家有錢所以有四台電腦...
我說我可以借你一台....
其實....我已經準備要在你生日時候
偷偷送你一台....

我說你至少很幸運..可以多認識很多女生...
沒說出口的是..
因為她們更幸運..因為有你做她們的男友...

你說你要問她有沒有在找男友...
然後她有沒有對你有意思...
然後你會約她出去...
我真想脫口而出..
那你那時候問我有沒有男友...
我說沒有...
你會接下去問那些問題嗎?
你會要我跟你在一起嗎?

我去了幾天..你就陪了我幾天...
我說不想麻煩你...你問我有什麼問題...
我不想在你工作回到家後又匆忙到飯店來接我...
每天每天.....
還有最後機場的神秘出現....

這些都不代表什麼?

我坐你朋友的車..跟他聊的哈哈大笑...
跟他打打鬧鬧...
你卻跑去遠遠的一邊不知道在幹嘛....
我以為你累了....
你卻跑去網咖寄信給我?

是我想太多?
是我失去我的敏銳度?
還是你真的只想跟我做朋友?

今天最後一次再見....
給了你一個吻..叫了你聲baby....
我希望你會發現...難道這不是個暗示?
難道我就一定得像其他女生一樣...
大聲的說 I LOVE U I LOVE U...
你才會吃驚?..你才會恍然大悟?

你問我為什麼...
你問我是不是喜歡你..
你給了我一個奇怪的表情...
你問我..是朋友吧....
急急忙忙的..我想我只能說....
我把很要好的朋友..都稱作baby....
dun take it seriously.....

yes...dun take it seriously
but rather take it deeply....

因為我真的喜歡上你了,親愛的!

不管你是不是哀兵..或是你無心...
你永遠不會知道我喜歡你這件事了..
因為你已經連續說了
i love u as a friend for twice....

沒有做情人的命..因為你或許真的把我當朋友..
沒有做你女友的份..因為我太熟悉跟男生相處...
而你也不會把我當真....

散去吧...我還真想封鎖你..
但是我是個容易心軟到不行的笨蛋傢伙...

站起來!
我對我自己這麼說!
不要哭!
我一定要很勇敢!

but just let me call u darling for the first and the last time,
then i'll move on!

capricorn 8/21-8/27

工作上最近雖然多有挫折但是前景看好，
為了長遠的計畫著想，最好先不要和別人有衝突，
若有空替自己安排些假期吧！

魔羯在最近一兩週之內財運好像不是挺好的，
如果遇到困難不妨尋求兄弟姊妹或是好友的協助，
會有較好的回應。

無論情感或金錢，
最近太過貪心都容易惹上麻煩，
減少出門的機會會比較好；
最近若能夠在家裡修身養性，
那是再好也不過的了，可以避開紛爭。

it's fucking true:P

exhausted...

gonna have the FIRST lesson of GRE tonite..
feel so uncertainly and strated to get afraid of
those days gonna staying in the cram skol..
i hope it's worthy.really..

worked from 7PM last tine till 9AM this morning..
exhausted and.....exhausted...
this project seems interesting and annoying at the same time.
i think the profS must think i'm the most freest person
in the graduate skol during the summer time....
mmm..in the other hand,i think they're running out of time
getting all data they need,especially they dun kno KOREAN at all.
coz they need the 300M NTD in a very short time
so i have to cover the whole japaese and korean stuff...

why ppl always hold back everything till the last moment
to call for help?
no matter how educated you are....

still consider about the schedules of GRE and NTU courses
next semester..........and dissertation....
wanna suspend from NTU for half year and really get everything
perform well and take my time...
i'm too tired to think that i can handle so many things in one time.

why you're always so busy?when can you really get rest enough?
another friend asked me the same question on last friday.
the answer is "I DON'T KNOW!?"

gotta go and keep the traffic jam away...
so...maybe later i'll be good....
and came back?!

人是活的。

有時候...
妳會喜歡一個人..或是討厭一個人...
不是單單從照片中決定...

因為
人是活的

人的姿態..人的言語.....
在工作當中不經意顯露的表情...
在談笑中不刻意流露出的才趣...
行走的樣子...眼神的顧盼...
都是這個人靈魂活生生的展現...

太注意別人的小細節...這樣是不是有點病態?

我不會從第一印象去判斷一個人
但是我的確會以初次見面那個人的姿態
在自己心中留下難以磨滅的畫面
可能是偏情感層面的吧 我想

如果這個男生的手 好看
我想我會一輩子為他瘋狂
很小女生的想法 但是我試過很多次
而且屢試不爽

倒也不是說 要細長潔白到像GAY的一樣
但是需要整潔 而且要有一種男人的感覺
穠纖合度 剛中帶柔 而且最好是握起來很溫暖
但是手心可不能很細 這就代表他都沒在做事

我以前那變態室友
還敎我如何從手的比例去判斷男生的大小
嗯～
我是不會馬上就想到那方面去
不過 我事後的確會幻想一下
如果被這雙手觸摸會有怎樣的好感
或是 跟他牽手上街 我會多麼觸電

話說比例這回事 我覺得也是屢試不爽
因為這種自然界的造物原則 其實非常巧妙
妳若量一下自己從手脕到手軸的長度
這個長度就會是你腳的長度 買鞋不能試
這會是個好方法

好吧 夜深了 我開始胡言亂語了起來
我要早點去睡覺
擺脫在線上等人的白痴行為
然後明天早早起床工作了

晚安了 我的朋友們 ^____^

我瘋了...

我覺得我瘋了...
因為最近我開始每天上網...
而且等待一個未知數...

開始渴望跟某一個人聊天...
他沒上線我就焦慮..
他沒上線我就查他的網站..
看看他是不是真的那麼多天沒上網....

不喜歡這種被支配的感覺...
不喜歡這種不能作為自己的感覺...
不像我....

但是妳要說是感覺悄悄的來了嗎?
我會說答案是不明確的...
因為或許對方不是刻意的...
也或許對方的貼心只是一時的...

所以我努力要戒掉這個該死的行為...
因為我相信我自己做得到...
而且我還有很多事情要處理....
而且我相信這只是一時的執迷....

對!
這是一時瘋狂!

不過...我吳大小姐的名言...
我相信現在仍深印在pingu心中的..
就是....

理智上可以接受 但是情感上辦不到

其實我發現
他或許偷偷在線上觀察妳的一舉一動
因為昨天
他傳了訊息給我
他說
我看見妳在線上 但是他是顯示離線狀態
我不知道這是什麼意思
要我跟他聊天嗎?

不過那時候我人不在電腦前啦...
所以我後來也留了離線訊息給他...
然後說下次上線在聊吧...

我發現..摩羯座遇到天蠍座
真的是死路一條..
雖然會是絕配
但是咧
這種操弄跟手段...
是我在一段感情中最最最不喜歡遇上的事情....

我想
感情的事情直說對我來說比較輕鬆...
而且我的月亮在獅子 金星在射手
要追 請光明正大的追
小手段我不愛

總之
我要sober 我要清醒
我要努力朝自己的目標邁進
其他事情 拜託請自己滾開

不然我會踢你一腳!

Today is Roger's Bday....

嗯...學弟的生日是今天
他一直在線上...
雖然我一直考慮要不要跟他說聲生日快樂

無論傳訊息或是用MSN都有點難為情
但我不懂為什麼
我忘了小巴的生日
我忘了pingu的生日
我忘了藝術的生日

我就是忘不了學弟的生日

如果跟他說個生日快樂..我們的尷尬就會化解嗎?
如果主動跟他說句話..我們又會重新變成朋友?

沒有勇氣

雖然我很大膽 但是我臉皮很薄
我實在不知道 我該不該跟他說聲生日快樂

之前為了他的事情 跟上帝禱告了好久好久
沒有任何改變 但是或許這是我應該要踏出的第一步?

至少是個朋友也好?

the politics.....

check it out...
"Shih's new campaign is a sorry tale"
http://0rz.net/9e1IV

which is post by Linda Gail Arrigo,who is the ex-wife
of Shih.

i won't say it's fair or not.but it tells something true.
in my view,
no matter what they claimed to be good for democracy
the result is make the issue worse and never be better.
did they have to is make it more extreme?
or Shih's still wanting to be the leader of revolution?
what they did is just stimulate those idiots to gather around.

what is the meaning of gathering 650M NTD?
650M means that's 65M ppl are on his side.
so what?
there are 1700M citizens who can vote to decide they want.
65M ppl means only 3.8% of taiwaness want the offseat of Chen.
it's what they claim "public opinion".

i say it's bullshit.
most ppl want a peaceful life not the commotion.
no matter which color holds the reins of government.

all u kno that there's going to be a protest lasting for
more than one month aroung THE AVENUE.
it'll start from 8/23-9/16 or longer.lasting 24hrs a day.
the first gals high skol,SCU,taipei main station,
many many cram skols,the departments,and big banks are all there.
if it's really so called being good to ppl,
why we have to change our courses and taking more 20 mins
to get where we wanna go?
should we suffer more traffic jams and mess?
how can we get to the east side?
how can we go to the NTU hospital?
and the ppl working there?

my GRE class is going to begin on 8/21.
then i can't ride a scooter to there coz the protest.
i have to take the subway and walk for a long distance.
it's acceptable to do this coz it's safer.
but u can't always keep away from that area
for so long and for the stupid reason.
tho it's stupid u'll still be hurt and hit to dead
if u try to drive across the area.
!*(^#&*@%^#@$!&*^@!%@...

Chen won't resign,i say,if u kno DDP well.
and the resination won't help anything but make
more ppl want THE seat.

i'd like to say that Taiwan is such a "special"
place where ppl got a fever of politics.

政治已死 法律不再 公義無存

toss and turn。

睡不著,而且開始哭泣,我決定要寫下一些東西。

recently,some friend asked me if i even tried sex or not.
the answer is obvious but the truth is unbearable.

i know this friend didn't mean to ask this question.
but it did remind me something very very terrible.

the reasons i broke up with pingu

1.the gap between us is too big to cross.
even tho i didn't care about his education,money,or background.
2.i'm the thrid person in this triangle.
and he even wanted to conceal it.
3.those bad experiences of sex betweem us.
tho he enjoyed them,but i hate them for sure.

dun kno why i started to think about the very last we
did it in their place tonite.
i even dun kno why i'm still so upset and sad about it.

we lain down on their bed and he started it violently.
i wouldn't and won't say that i didn't feel anything.
but the point is i was staring at their pictures
posted on the ceiling and couldn't help crying.
he even tried to scold me after it.
coz pitures are only pictires.
i should try to forget them.
and i should forget that they made love everyday
just in this bed we're making it.

could u call it making-love or taking-out on me?
i won't say it a sex between human but an animalism.

we didn't have it for many times.
actually i can count it in one hand.
but every time was a "special" memory.

i've never told you that
after the very first time i gave up my virginity
he paid me.
how ridiculous it was and how it hurt.
not only physically but mentally.
i gave it coz i loved him so much not bcoz i want money.
any words or a hug would do more than those money.

after breaking up,i tried hard to forget all these.
but what kept obsessional was those sex evperiences.
and the blame i took on myself.
for getting off the feeling i had it again with Roger
about half year later.
(Roger is THE EXEX-BF you kno who is younger than me)
he knew my sadness and helpless so he really tried hard.
everytime was so gentle,respectful and be-loved.
i did feel better and released after that.

it's different between making love with someone really loves you
and someone who just thinks you're a virgin and a target.

i hate thinking about it but it'd never be reversed anymore.
and god knos that would be someone waiting for me.

keep in low profile...

"Zivot je jinde " means "Life Is Elsewhere"
which is a book by Milan Kundela
This is the book i read before getting into sleep.

好像不太好喔 一直看米蘭昆德拉的書
覺得自己似乎一直進入一種不是悲觀卻是抽離的態度

對於人生有太多的疑問 而我想或許這也是一種方式吧

friendship or relationship?

我看見他的MSN暱稱裡寫著

"山無稜 江水為竭
東雷震震 夏雨雪
天地合 乃敢與君絕"

心裡酸酸的 其實我們已經沒有聯絡很久了
前一陣子 出國前 他有跟我聯繫
講了些近況 還有一些我們之間的問題

我推說 我要到開學前才會回台灣了
因為我不想 也無法面對他
想到他 心裡只有難過 還有心疼
更多的 也許是氣他真的不了解真心關心他的人
全然都是為了他好

我不知道他怎麼想 其實我非常難過我們的友情
似乎已經不復存在

而這個鴻溝 我不知道何時才能補上
或許 永遠回不了以前?

yes,
if u know whom i'm talking about
he's the guy who drives the white BMW
and grew up with me together.

i almost wanna block him coz i can't handle
that i always saw this absurd sentences showing
on his condition.

he told me that his family was bankrupt lately
and he has taken the responsibilities for a while.
he's too prideful to ask me how i got thru it
when the same things happened in my family many years ago.
i dun dare to say that now he knos what i felt then.

i feel so upset and sorry.
but not for him but his dad and mom.
coz i know them so well and
they treated me like a real daughter.
i won't say that i'm happy,
but i do hope it would teach him a lesson.

some ppl said that i didn't try enough to
tell him back to NTU and complete the degree.
some ppl asked why i just let him go and never
cared about him amymore.

he chose to betray us and walked alone.
i'm the last one leaving him till i got so many hurts.
i'm the last one who trying to get him back.
but,ignorance is what he got.

how one can be so arrogant and still think he's different?
how one can be so blind that
can't tell the reality and dreams?
try to challenge it if u are really good enough.
or is it so hard to being normal?

feel the pangs of heart to tell that we're separate too far
and there's no chance to get it back.

高中時代的意氣風發已不復存在
取代他的只有落水狗般的形象
以及引人發笑的幼稚與無能

我不想這麼說他 可是
兩個人之間的不同 已經在選擇人生道路上
分 道 揚 鑣

lucky me!

haha....today Dr.Yang didn't come to the hospital
i felt so released that i chatted with xiaoxiao
for a long long time.
and...haha....
my dear dear Dr. Handsome was there,too.

the carzy xiaoxiao even asked me to take a vacation
again with her to Guam.
she said that she'll be free in oct or nov.
uhuh...i'll think about it later.
i have to study more rite now.
but it's still AN unbelievable idea.

mmm,anyway i checked their timetable for taking break
and figured out the regularity of Dr.Yang.
i can now make an appointment of surgery for Nuby
without worrying about meeting him again.
of course the surgery will be operating
by my Dr.Handsome lalalala^____^

my prayer is answered by my dear lord.
i'd worried for so long that i kept praying
even i was in travelling.

everything's getting better,i think.
i still have to work hard to keep up
the GRE test and the fxxking japanese course.
btw,the japanese course didn't do anything good to me.
i can use what i learned from SCU for dealing with
the whole two or three years' courses i have to take in NTU.

it's pity that NTU didn't do more about the summer courses.
i just thought that such a famous and
grrrrreatest university in taiwan should be better.
even it's just a summer course.
i feel so ashamed of it.
maybe the summer courses are not
for the literature dept. at all?
or u can say the the fame doesn't mean anything?

anyway,tho it sucks i have to be there this morning on 8.
everything gotta be on schedule rite now.

call me out for lunches or dinners when u're free.
coz i'm gotta be in the cram skol very very soon.

^_________^

chemistry...

BTW,
when talking about THE doctor.....
i kno that's a chemistry between us..
and i kno he likes me more than i do to him...

so that's why Nuby is always so loved by him
and that's why he's Nuby's doctor all the time.
(damn..i want the other doctor....>"<)
that's why he always did it longer than
he did to any other patient.
that's why he always tries hard to make me laugh.
and that's why he always tries to get closer to me.

men seems like to enjoy the feeling of borderline
and things uncertain?
or it's great to flirt with gals even he got a GF already?
maybe i should enjoy this kind of feeling more
and try to flirt back?
actually i did(oh...is it immoral..haha)

anyway...gotta meet him today and hope that he won't
try it too hard for persuading me
to opetrate for Nuby again.
i need another doctor after all.

hahaha...god bless me and u guys..

the dark side。

More tears are shed over answered prayers
than unanswered ones.

-----Trumen Capote

it's movie about ambitions,artists,
and the dark side of human beings.
tho it's kind of slow and cold
,this movie will help u think about many issues
about life and beings.

anyway,recently i read the unbearble lightness of
beings again.
it made me more thoughtful and brought me a lot of
ideas of beings.

it's 4:44 in taiwan..
and i gotta to sleep for a while

today have to
1.take Nuby to shower
2.meet the handsome doctor(hahahaha)
and talk about the travelling about Hk and Guam
3.tutors
4.try to make a schedule of GRE
5.study japanese

after coming back to taiwan...

the first day(8/10)..
i slept lil
and went to the airport again
to see off my sis' friend
who is going to studying in the north cal.
(near NAPA and i told her to drink more..haha)

the second day(8/11)..
i got more sleep but still not too much
got up at 6 am and had japanese courses till 4 pm
what a suck teacher to teach us in the summer
i really dun think i'll get much about this language
it's all about the credits.that's all
i learned more from SCU and want to come back
when the dissertation's done

and again...
i drove my sis to the airport to
see off the other friends who is going to study
in the states(cal as well)

coming back at 11 pm
and went out again to meet Jun and Annie
chatted a lot about hong kong and guam
Jun said that it's so great to travel with me
and i'll be their lucky star for sure
(that's bcoz my english,hahahaha)
so she promised to travel with me next time.

kept hanging out with them till 5 am this morning
helped them doing those accessaries and created
two new styles for a special guest
it's funny to made it with silver and copper
and i learned form Annie how to cure it
more rite and beautiful

that's the feeling with ur neat friends
and u dun have to pretend anything or
hide some feelings
all u have to do is be urself
and we laughed so much that scaring the waiter in the 24hrs Cafe
the guy looked sleppy tho
it's great to meet them so soon after coming back from HK

i finally slept a lot today and get more rest
but still coughed alot and felt sleepy
(thanx to my student hurting her finger and didn't come today)

tonite went out to eat in a YUMMY japanese restaurtant
with my family and bought supplys in costco
it's weird feeling to buy things in a place which is like
a american supermarket so much when ur in TW

still need to tidy up my room more
and be ready for the GRE test in oct
try to organize everything and be agressive
sigh~
feel so lost and dun wanna follow the schedule at all

GOD~~~~i wanna rest more and enjoy my life more
i hate to take the credits in the summer
or i can stay in the states more and watch the US OPEN

last nite JUN asked me why i'm always so busy and
it seems that i got 48 hours a day.
working,tutoring,taking credits,studying,
researching,confernces,GRE,and even travelling,
also making some handmade accessaries for them.
i dun kno why actually...
so i said it again that
i'm still hesitating about the idea of
studying in the states tho everything is on progress.

does life here has to be so competitive and stressful?
or only some part of me choose to be so?
i wanna living a easy life and be cozy all the time
it's from my bottom of heart.
but it seems that u should try more hard
to be higher and on the top.

everyone is walking forward in a quick pace in this city.
does it mean losing something if i try to slow down alil?
i always wonder if i dun work hard and try hard when i'm young
will i really regret in the future?

or that's Miffy said i'm a person
who is meant to be so positive and
take so many resposibilities?

have you even wacthed the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun"?
that's the lfe i want most.
ppl should enjoy their life more
and treat thmeselves nice.
btw,i like the special section from it most
they said ppl lived in the mount.of alps
built the railway first coz
they know the train will come one day
(the trains came after 10years)
it's so beautiful to believe something so firmly....

but i still have to tide up my room first.ha
it's carzy room which is full of
books,textbooks,dissertations,luaggages,and instruments.

ciao and dun try to ask the TOFEl scores anymore.
that's it and i'm in the hell of GRE already.

Lost and found。

back to taiwan in the very very early morning today.
01:00 09/aug
i'm not happy and felt so bad when i arrivelled.

i lost a very important thing in the HK airport.
i even couldn't recall where i lost it.
maybe das bcoz i got too many carryons at the same time
and had to bought the "take-out" food for my bro.
and the flght changed again but didn't inform us at first.

it's cosmetics form NARS and cost me about 400 USD.
of course there's cash inside as well.
the cash is not important to me at all.
all i want is the NARS.
that's the main reason i sent to HK.
and i can't believe that i lost on the way home.
how stupid and careless i was.

i found that i lost it when the airplane just taking off.
feel soooooooooooooooooooooooo upset and sad.
so i made a phonecall back to the airport immediately.
the phone call cost me 8 USD per minute.
anyway..i bursted out tears all the way to taiwan.
the passenger besides me looked surprised(lily said)
the head of the attenders in CX helped me a lot.
she sent a aerogram from the airplane for me.
and filled a lost and found form for me.

anyway..i reported this case when i steped into taiwan.
rite away and felt so depressed.
it sould be happy to back home,but it never happened to me.

everytime i do a "double" travelling,
(went to two different countries at the same time)
things like that will happen.

still felt so upset and unhappy when i woke up.
i couldn't sleep a lot tho i was super exhausted.
i made a phonecall to the airport again.
but the assitance said she's waiting for the HK reports.
i dun think it will come back.
if someone knows the brend "Nars",she won't give it back to the desk.
it's so chic and expensive in NY.
the things inside are brand new.

anyway..my sis is still on the bed sweetly
and i can't help thinking why i was so careless.
even i'm so familiar with the travelling.

my mom told me last nite that just pretending that i just run it out
and i needed to buy more next time to HK.
or i'm not lucky enough to use it.

my father is suprised about why i'm so upset.
i am usually very clam and careful.
he told me to buy it un taiwan and
he'll pay the bill to make me happy.
(but it can't be got in TW)
or told connie to bring it for me when she comes to TW on sep.
or i can go back to HK again to buy it
and he'll still pay me the bill.

money is not the point of my sadness.
itdoesn't matter that who pay the bill.
i can pay it for sure.
of course i kno i can buy it again in HK.
(i even got a VIP card this time)
but im not free to take a vacation again at this moment.
the summer course strats tomolo and GRE starts next week
the conference will be held on late aug.
i gotta make a purposal of dissertation before skol starts.
how can i make a vacation to HK in a very short time?

i can't smile and feel not okay at all rite now
and start to plan the travelling next month.
i think the solutions will be

1.persuade my mom to go to HK with me on mid sep.
(coz she've never been there
and she definitely will need a tourguy)

2.go to HK and back to TW in a day just for buying NARS.
just on the week days.
it won't take me too long and i'll get it immeditately.
still can get back TW to attend courses and the works.

by the way,i got serious cold in the last two days in HK.
maybe i was too tired then and didn't rest enough.

gotta unpackage the luggages and tidy up my room.
gotta prepare for the japanese coourse tomolo
and make a decision about HK.

i hate going to see a dortor.god~~~~
and i want my NARS........>"<

3 days ago...

in a hurry pace,we haeded to HK on 8/1...
i hardly got a time to write down something even tho i really wanna..
and i dun wanna carry the notebook with me.
it's too heavy.
i forgot to tell u guys da i went to Hk
for A one more CBT TOFEL TEST..
ha...u can call it carzy..
but i'm rrreeally rrrreally dying for the 280 points.
after this,i won't take any TOFEL test till i got the GRE.

everything's okay in hk...busy busy streets and ppl...
i'm familiar with those faces and the dept stores there...
it brought me back to the memories two years ago..
kind of upset(subtle)
when i walked along the street..
and i still can remember the depression i've been thru...

i hardly remember what i did two years ago..
only the streets and impression left in my heart.
i think i was just a ghost then...

besides that,everything's exciting there...
getting everything i want
eatting in the rrreally really yummy restaurant..
(which are recommanded by EDISON my lover,HAHAHA)

butbut..there're things went not so smoothly actually.
for examplesss...
1.my sis broke the car's doorroll when we got into the car to the airport
2.the computer suddenly shut down when i was taking the listening part of TOFEL
(it's horrible cos it never happened in taiwan)
3.i broke the waterstopper of the hotel in HK
4.the cover of the bed made us sick
5.we stocked up in the airport bcos of the typhoon
(u'll kno it if u watched the TV u'll kno what happened in HK airport)

and then...we off to GUAM on 8/4...delay for 1.5hr..
we're lucky enough still
cos there are more ppl stocked there for more than 36hrs.

anyway..i'm in GUAM now and got knew a new frined" jetty"
he showed us GUAM and took us to a very late Dinner
(we're still adjust the time difference and tireness of flying)
and we're in the CAFE internet now....

2006/08/05
luv,Iris